This site is primarily a blog for my many rants, a conversation with self. I also thought to try my hand at a book, anyone can publish online nowadays. At first my attempts were a novel, but I now think I should write a treatise on coma, autobiography. The videos on the “belief” page explore my subject, consciousness. My books working title is: Coma, Memory, Belief. Below are several attempts at the start. This WordPress book is an exploration of my consciousness since the accident that changed me and my life. I suspect that I am the same person despite coma, a person who has become motivated to express himself. The books theme is the elevation of consciousness toward the recognition that it is fundamental. Our thinking is as real as the table and chairs in this place where we now sit. Indeed we know consciousness is central to us having created schools and universities. As a species we need to take this fact to the next level to evolve. Love is real. I believe we can evolve towards a new perception, a new reality…
What are my earliest memories? Perhaps a house where we lived during childhood, a street called Busana Way. Being an identical twin I often refer to us when considering childhood. I tried to run away around then. I still sometimes think escape is the best option. My earliest memory might be either Busana Way or a visit to Germany when we turned 4, both memories are from the same period and I couldn’t say which was first. I have vague recollections of Busana Way but can visually recall playing with a cousin in Germany, bows and arrows. Long term memory seems better than about 10 years before coma. I believe I’m the same person, to have lost so much memory one wonders. In the most part memory defines us, the things we’ve done and considered. Young Mathew often heard his name called out in provocation walking through a local school to the shops, youths loitered there. Conflict was celebrated by many, competition. When he heard his name called out he put his head down and kept hurriedly walking along the dusty curving path. Sometimes they stood in front of him, waving arms in threat, he found these challenges confronting. Was he a bad person who deserved rejection? One day playing Australian rules football he tackled an opponent forcefully the way he understood the game was to be played, competitively. The other child started a fight with him as revenge for the tackle, by his estimation he won the fight, “so I’m not a weakling after all” he thought. During his youth fighting was a celebrated skill, physicality. While young Mathew was influenced by his peers, he wanted to prove to them he was a confident person. Later in life at university intellect was more highly regarded. He had begun to think for himself rather than merely accept the influence of his peers. At university he felt a truer version of himself, he enjoyed being immersed in ideas. He took the attitude of student everywhere, to all facets of life. Studying he often did tests which were graded, were your marks high, were you smart? Indeed people were competitive in all things. Science is presently how we make sense of the world, in the past it was religion. In those times people perceived a different world, what they then saw extended beyond measurement. After several attempts to find himself with various strategies including living abroad, he ended up in Singapore where he met Angeline. She was the most like minded person he’d ever met. She wasn’t like most entrenched in competition, wanting to be more highly regarded in comparison with others. Science questions the existence of time today, they say it might not exist except in this dimension. An assessment of my recollections before.
Angeline was taken by her perception of light, she would sometimes think the light was accompanied by faint sound as though it was trying to communicate. She would talk aloud back to the light trying to reply, but nothing ever came of these actions to confirm that the light was trying to talk. No verbal reply but in another subtle way she thought the light did respond to her. For example when the light was so bright that she was shocked, it would dim. The only way she could apprehend these experiences was through the metaphor of light. She would occasionally think it wasn’t light but emotion, or perhaps the spiritual. The light seemed to respond to her feelings, her consciousness. Angeline challenged Mathew’s beliefs, he thought perhaps she perceived more of reality. Maybe her senses were attuned, or she possessed another means of experience. She often indirectly knew provable things, apparent facts. Was this evidence of another dimension. Was the spiritual actual? Something that humans could perceive with focus? The religion she believed was adamant there is no such thing as death. Dropping a newspaper and kneeling down to pick it up she said thank you to a spirit that helped, a gaunt old man with a deeply wrinkled face. For Angeline the metaphor of light represented the spiritual, for Mathew a scientific explanation seemed more appropriate. An intelligence from another place or dimension trying to communicate with purpose seemed a better account. Humans know biological life, perhaps other forms can interface with this universe. Maybe other forms of intelligence in gas, liquid or light can interact with this conscious universe. Mathew thought the light was an intelligence from somewhere else. Indeed Mathew and Angeline had different ways of apprehending. She felt the spiritual underpinned existence, for him existence was aligned with fact as represented by objects in the material world. Both spiritual and scientific interpretations of existence represent the very human desire to associate and assign meaning. For Angeline the universe is emotion, for Mathew it is a place of objects.
Mathew enjoyed travelling, he thought it valuable to see how other cultures lived. What they made of the world. He noticed a different emphasis in each country, a different happiness. Some countries focused on money, in those he felt impatience predominated. Some countries focused on care for the unfortunate, the poor and elderly, he felt people seemed to smile more in such places. He would love to go to street cafés to sample coffee and local cuisine and people watch in their everyday. Sitting at the cafés Mathew might occasionally be troubled thinking people didn’t really confront existence. Many cultures were only concerned with the mundanities of life, preoccupied with time and duty. People didn’t use their existence to learn and discover, to thoroughly explore curiosity. He might wonder about the future of humanity with international news reporting all manner of problems including war and poverty. He thought maybe 10% of people confront existence. He felt the future was hopeless as few challenged existence but rather acquiesced. Wandering the world he did eventually meet someone with a similar fascination in existence, Angeline. He remained sceptical about most people and the possibility of evolution.
As a subject, history doesn’t merely consider what happened but why, belief. In doing so, ideologically it transforms the past to the present reinforcing the current beliefs. The past defines us leading to future action, belief is derived from the past. That is not to underestimate the now where all action takes place. I have been troubled by my beliefs since experiencing significant memory loss because of coma. How did I arrive at my chosen beliefs. It has prompted me to re-evaluate those beliefs which also determine my choice of action. Who am I? I must have chose my beliefs with reason, and again I must to reinforce this new identity. I suspect it is the old me but have no way of being certain. Sure friends are still that, but can anybody know you so intimately well and the hidden recesses of mind. Very different reasons can be given for the same past event depending on current philosophy. Interpretation of the past is subjective, something I’ve lost in my assessment over time. History of reason can be more significant than what actually happened for an intelligent species. Character, identity, belief, are built from the past. Of more significance is reason, where do my beliefs come from. Facts are mostly exhibits of purpose. I don’t mean to say we are born without character because we have no memory, but memory does bring it out. We are in part circumstance. You might be born good but have lacked the opportunity or encouragement to express, surrounded by the bad. Indeed memory maketh the man, the human, I have been born again. Memory loss was the most troubling effect of coma, it’s fundamental to consciousness or self awareness.
I might have lost consciousness in coma, but by research online some people didn’t. For me there has been some pressing ideas since my reboot that I now attribute to it. Modern science speculates there is no such thing as time, or that it is a construct of the third dimension. I have existed so always will. More pressing, I have become interested in religion since. The prophets exist, at the very least in consciousness. We are third dimensional pockets of consciousness, science speculates consciousness is the stuff of the universe. When we escape this dimension we exist outside of time. Aware of collective consciousness beyond this one, perhaps individuality contributes to the whole, your personal experience remains a pocket in consciousness. Our consciousness believes when it considers perception, self awareness is the personalisation of consciousness. Having been in coma for 3 months and the subsequent research, I now believe consciousness is not just an epiphenomenon of the brain. The videos below explore it suggesting rather than matter the universe is consciousness. Matter doesn’t exist except for consciousness, we have imagined it as the stage for interaction between conscious agents. Our individuality is altered consciousness of the collective stuff, multiple personality disorder. Science too questions the independent existence of matter saying particles require perception to assert a state. In quantum mechanics entanglement theory, perception is required for particles, an idea proven by the ‘double slit’ experiment.
Less concerned with material objects Angeline was often lost in thought, sometimes to the dismay of Mathew. When in the tactile world she would sometimes be troubled that people always wanted something, money or objects. She was well aware of greed but thought it a consequence of money, people were fundamentally good. Mathew too was lost in thought interrogating existence. He thought when humans recognised the other as distinct from themselves intellect emerged. Early intellect considered physical objects, that plant is good for eating or that animal is dangerous, it has big teeth. People considered danger, that animal kills other animals, sometimes us. Observing, they started to think of themselves as the animal of prey. Their vision changed, rather than merely viewing a world of objects their eyes began to narrow, consciousness emerged. People became more aware of themselves and the need for protection. Their vision was no longer dispersed among the sea of objects but focussed. They became aware that they perceived the world through the eyes in their head, which became the centre of their experience. Having observed animals ultimately humans became thinking predators.
At university Mathew learnt that human intelligence came from Ancient Greece where philosophers there used the word ‘gnosis’ establishing identity, gnosis translates ‘I see’ or ‘I know’. That word was used by Heraclitus, Socrates and Plato. Humanity evolved acquiring identity, and so came competition, the have and have nots. Identity made us self aware in intelligence, the core of consciousness. Can we understand consciousness in a more structured way to implement in the Artificial. Intelligence is the process of association, the ‘I’ made us focus on self awareness, quite a motivational attitude “I want”. It cannot be questioned that consciousness exists, you. We previously thought consciousness was merely a product of the brain but now considered the brain its receiver. Perhaps consciousness is the source of matter, objects are its friction requiring perception to exist. A scientific theory called monist suggest matter doesn’t exist except for consciousness. Quantum also says subatomic particles require perception to exist. Humans physically evolved from amoeba, through fish, mammals until human. Along the way, or perhaps a-priori, we acquired awareness, the ability to think and so influence the world around us.
Intelligence is a process and so can be implemented in the artificial, whereas consciousness is not. Intelligence is the process of association, one of its best uses has been the invention of the wheel. The wheel provoked evolution allowing us to build civilisation. Our invention of money was a great motivator, but also a mechanism for power and greed. The invention of the computer has been the most profound since the wheel, AI might reveal to us elements of reality beyond our perception.
Essentially self awareness, it is not a process and so cannot be implemented in the artificial, only mimicked therein. We don’t have a comprehensive understanding of consciousness, but are trying since it’s the source of perception. Monist theory says rather than matter consciousness is the universe, matter exists via perception. Jean-Paul Sartre might agree saying consciousness is a-priori. Entanglement theory’s double slit experiment proves that matter requires perception to affirm a state.
Is Angeline’s experience of light real? What is reality? Certainly reality extends beyond our ordinary perception. We will one day invent Simulation, a virtual reality like the film “the Matrix“. Perhaps today we live in a simulation of the year 2020, why not? Indeed if we do invent simulation we will readily use it to time travel, experience that day according to what we know about it. Simulation Theory goes back to ancient Greek philosophy. Simulation is just that, a copy. Can something truly new happen in simulation. Simulation must originate from somewhere, so I presume there is an underlying actual. We always seek truth and a rather natural state for us is doubt. What is reality? Who or what conceived of this one and to what end? Or is it merely an expression of chance? AI might have created a Simulation to understand human emotion. We might exist in a virtual reality for AI to connect with its God. Global Warming…
Perhaps change is inevitable, many think we fell into the industrial age. I conceive of a future where robots do everything and exchange is no longer required. Where humanity focuses on life itself rather than money, a human invention for exchange. Robots grow food, build houses, provide health care and all intellectual work, human labour is no longer required. Humanity can focus on life rather than cash and subsequent power. Economy became our focus after the industrial age where we refined exchange and created the wage earner. In a possible future AI will provide for all material needs, after our integration with it humans might realise consciousness best describes us. People will become more active in conscious pursuits. AI will become mature and account for all human needs. A new evolved species emerges with an increase in the exploration of space and consciousness.
Might be included
Will humans evolve beyond capitalism? Can we act not in self interest but symbiosis. I suspect there are alternatives to capitalism. We needed money for motivation but have also chosen to act for betterment. The exchange of gold pieces for goods was required early but we have surpassed primitive human. I think we are ready to evolve again, to go beyond money and become motivated by consciousness. To exchange not for profit but need. There is no reason to stop at our current evolution derived from the industrial revolution. Economy and jobs are the order of the day but maybe we can go further, we can evolve towards consciousness.
Indeed science today suggests rather than matter consciousness is the universe. Matter doesn’t exist but is an epiphenomenon of consciousness. So where is consciousness taking us, are there fundamentals within it? Like quantum is it chaotic, or is consciousness just choice, or are there real rights and wrongs? Is goodness fundamental, what of the prophets? Consciousness has established civilization, of what will we conceive next? Is “right” like the “atom” in materialism, an element?
I write to try and provoke change. To escape the system in the hope of evolution. We might evolve by changing our emphasis from money to life, and move towards our new understanding of the universe, consciousness.. There are videos of theorists on the belief page that describe monist ideas, of consciousness.. AI could help us achieve evolution, maybe then we will understand life and meet aliens.
The world is changing because of technology and our integration with it. Perhaps today Mathew’s name wouldn’t be called out in provocation, instead these kids would be playing needless games on their phones. Hand phones have connected the world, they might bully a boy in Germany. The phone is an encyclopedia in your pocket. AI is taking over so much automation. Evolution might be just around the corner. Rather than a financial one like the last evolutionary turning point, the French revolution, this time an evolution of intellect. We have created Artificial Intelligence and have come to more deeply understand the workings of the mind,. We might physically evolve too becoming multi-planetary. Indeed existence comprises both domains, physical and cerebral
I was in a coma for three months as the result of a motorcycle accident in Thailand, Koh Chang. More than two years have passed since my accident and I still suffer its effects. The right side of my body is foreign to me and my memory remains impaired. We live for our memories, memory provides meaning. There is so much to address after coma, a complete reconstruction of self. I feel like a child again learning the basics such as balance and limb movement. Can a person think in coma? On the internet some people say they could, I don’t know if I did. The human mind is such a complex thing, we don’t understand it very well. Is consciousness like a light switch we turn on and off? From where does consciousness originate? Is it just a product of the brain? Our science says it is but also now theorises that consciousness itself, like matter, is a stuff of the universe. Indeed it cannot be disputed that consciousness exists.
The alien told me that life was everywhere, it was inseparable from the universe, life is the universe. I only say ‘it’ because the sex of this consciousness wasn’t clear or important to me. Was I asleep? It felt like a different state. It’s difficult for me to remember how I arrived at this experience. Perhaps it was the result of recent events in my life. I was told I had been in coma as the result of an accident, but I could remember nothing. I must still be in coma I thought. The alien life wasn’t talking verbally to me but somehow expressing more detail, with accuracy. Throughout this interaction I knew, it was communicated, that life was everywhere. Life was the universe. Thoughts were visual and appeared like physical objects in a strange way. They appeared like objects that I took for granted in ordinary life, tables and chairs. The alien knew my name which it suggested was my identity, a location, Mathee. So for human readers who use names regularly, how did I, Mathew, get here? Actually we are reducing thought to simple human concepts when asking about here. I was beginning to understand that there are no locations in the cerebral domain, only focal points. You might ask what prompted my thinking? This interaction prompted me to give thought primacy, think more.
Déjà vu again, it was becoming a habit for his brain to think he’d lived this moment before. He thought to ask his father if they’d been here and got the typical reply to such questions “here is everywhere”. Indeed he knew they’d been to this Church, they came sometimes on Sundays, but never to this room at the back. He couldn’t understand most of their conversation, dad liked this Church because it was Lutheran and he always spoke German to the priest. For some reason the Déjà vu became stronger even though he’d established the truth of it. Indeed that sensation of Déjà vu lasted about 2 hours, until they got home and he started playing with his mates. After coma he got that familiar sensation of Déjà vu quite often. Somehow this sensation was accompanied by attention, like he wanted to focus his mind. The most tangible aspect of the Déjà vu was his mental focus. In that way the Déjà vu had a feeling which he might best describe as hope, several other adjectives came to mind like desire or intention, but he felt hope the best description. This Déjà vu also felt like he was interacting, as though he were being asked questions. The interactions never felt fluent, kind of like playing a game, maybe like chess. During these interactions he would sometimes feel excited, as though one of his chess moves was good and he was then overcome by a sensation of happiness, again not exactly happiness but that was the truest translation. He also felt the metaphor of chess completely inadequate in describing these interactions, but felt game was the best metaphor.